Christmas in July

Yesterday I was trying to think of what the most subversive thing one could put in place of Baby Jesus in the nativity scenes that crop up all over the U.S. around Christmastime with the caveat/challenge that this thing isn’t obscene.

I came up with: a dollar bill, a bottle of scotch, a gun. But then I realized it is probably a cheese sandwich. What kind of cheese sandwich, you might ask? Well, good-quality cheddar or Swiss I imagine on decent bread with a little lettuce and tomato, mustard and mayo.

I imagined someone going on a spree of replacing Jesus-babies with such sandwiches across this great land. But that begets what to do with the babies. I have nothing against any l’il baby, plastic or Jesus or otherwise, and have no desire for them to come to a bad end. Anyway, anything you might think of seems creepy/morbid, no? I was imaging them in a little tornado shelter swaddled in soft blankets. How weird though, would that be to walk in on, a hundred baby Jesus? I guess it depends on who you are.